about my name

when i came out, i wanted to keep my name. i didn't meet another "noah" until i was 13, and probably due to that i've always loved it. until very recently, it's been very much a masculine name, a boys name, and only now has "noa" risen in popularity as the feminine version.

when i came out, i decided to trim it to "noa" to gain some semblance of "femininity" in these early parts of my transition, to feminize myself online, to present less masculinely to others, and to place myself somewhat distinct from my life as a boy, while still keeping the parts of my name that i loved. it's gone swimmingly, to the extent that i can continue to hide as a man in public, i can switch slowly with friends and family, i can get emails to a new name that gives me the thrill of gender euphoria, and people still think of me in continuity with my old presentation.

2 months in tho, i'm starting to worry/feel that it will prevent others from correctly gendering me, and i feel a greater urge to step away from my old presentation. where does this come from? i don't know, and it is in part a little scary.

at this point, i have two names under consideration for if/when i decide to change my name to a distinctly feminine name, which will wait until i can more easily/safely present publicly as a woman. one is very popular and fits with my age, the other is much older and very out of style but has a fun reference (which i adore). i'm going to sit on these names (plus "noa") until next year i think. unless something suddenly changes in my heart, i will reassess on my 40th birthday.

all of which is to say, if you didn't know, hello, i'm noa. nice to meet you.