i don't know how to be online friends with people

i have a number of friends i used to see semi-regularly (at least once a year) that was helped by us both being active on facebook. now none of us are very active on facebook and i had some kids and everything is harder to schedule.

it's easy to say, "hey i know we haven't spoken in roughly 4 years but i miss you and hope you're doing okay" but how do i have it continue after we finish the pleasantries? the opening is easy, i just wrote it, but after, one on one conversation is hard to sustain without the ease of in-person dialogue.

i keep up with other friends because we're in group chats, so there's less pressure to speak directly to one person, you know? i can just throw into the chat "here's a dumb meme, here's a stray thought, here's a comment about my day". but when it's one on one, it feels like the silences are longer and it's harder to maintain any sort of connection.

idk it's just annoying. facebook posts were good ways to keep in contact but now facebook is unusable (i see 5 ads and 10 group posts to a given friend's post) and there's no middle ground. i could call people? EW lmao