adhd vibes

sometimes it's like i'm jacked into the matrix, the work i have in front of me consumes not just my field of vision but my entire raison d'être. every part of my brain is tuned for the problem space, every breath drives me forward like ramming speed in ben-hur, the words and thoughts shift around in front of my eyes. my thoughts get so incredibly loud that i can't hear my wife from across the table.

other times, my attention feels like the subject of my focus was burned with the fire that burns things out of time. in a meeting and not picking up a single word my coworker is saying. looking at code and being unable to hold the previous expressions in my head as i scan my eyes across the screen. feeling so unmoored from my body and my experiences that i can't form sentences.

frankly, both are exhausting.